Sunday, September 03, 2006

I went for one last swim at the Peninsula Spa yesterday and as I was getting into the pool, I glanced at a New York Times that someone was reading - Moroccan terror plot foiled with 56 arrests (or something like that). Well, it is what it is. It doesn't make me more anxious but the timing is interesting. On the way to New York last night I re-read the safety/security notes that were in my staging kit. I also re-read "On the Home Front," the guide for families and other loved ones. I wish this were available through or that I could send multiple copies to people. I am not sure I even want to leave my one copy with my sister - I might take it with me so that I can remind myself that everyone goes through these things! It spells out what to expect to hear from me - loneliness, frustration, a feeling that I'm not accomplishing anything or even doing anything worthwhile, etc. throughout the whole first year, until I finally start feeling comfortable. There should be a big sense of being overwhelmed when I get to my site - after I finally get into a routine in training, with friends and with people who speak both English and the language I'm learning, I'll be resettled into the new situation and finally on my own. I'll try to keep a positive spin on everything (as I usually do) but I guess it'll be good to express some of my issues as well. The booklet also notes (again) the importance of mail. And also notes (again) that coming back may be the hardest adjustment of all. I've been feeling that already - getting rid of most of my furniture and putting everything in storage was the physical manifestation of not knowing what I am coming back to - but the booklet points out that everyone has this problem, because most people don't have anything lined up that they're coming back to, and that even if they come back to a home, after living somewhere else for two years they feel homeless.

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